Stay-at-Home Moms v/s Working Moms- Decoding the Debate

Motherhood is lovely and joyful. It is full of love and all hearts. But at the same time, it is tough ... the job is difficult, the role a complex one, the birth of a child - life changing.

However, what adds another layer of complexity is the way the mother lives her life post child birth. While the world is quick to take sides and judge stay at home moms over working moms & vice versa, there is really no absolute truth or a foolproof solution attached to life there on. The internet is full of opinions on both the categories.

The same world also discounts the role of the father. That parenting is a shared job often gets overlooked. But that is another topic for another day. In this we don't want to take sides but  simply encourage you to choose what works best for you.
But first, let's look at what do women in either roles live with?

Lets start with Working moms ...

GUILT ... Most working ladies suffer from that guilt of having left their children with their grandparents /maids /at day cares etc. They feel bad about not being around the child. Add to this the tight corporate/ professional timelines which hound them and must be met with. And OH MY GOD, the day your child falls sick, matters only feel worse.

Some moms work because they have bills to take care of & ends to meet. Some work for their passion, happiness & sanity. Either way, you are not having it easy. You must only have very strong coping mechanisms, for balancing work with kids is not easy. It is immensely demanding !!!

Working moms are also usually WORRIED. Worried about not being there when the child needs them at school, for homework, at events, in health & sickness or anywhere where else where moms think their presence is required.

Now Stay At Home Moms (SAHM)

While the larger part of the world loves to believe that stay at home moms live wonderfully comfortable lives, the truth could be slightly different. There are days when you don't even have a cup of tea peacefully, leave alone living a dreamy life. For instance, there are days when meals have to be finished in seconds because kids have to be attended to immediately.

You could look mirror cracking type most of the times. Managing child duties the entire day is exhausting. In fact most stay at home moms feel that their work at home is endless, thankless & of course there is no pay cheque attached to all these duties. It is a 24/7 job - no days or time off. Sometimes even a 5 - minute task takes hours to finish. 

And as much as any "Me Time" is a well deserved break, that time does not necessarily arrive easily.

It can take a toll on an emotional level too. If you have worked previously and had a glorious career behind you, then the reality of the current situation begins to bite. Because come on, however beautiful "Motherhood" might be, there are moments when you miss your financial independence, your work circle and your identity outside of your house. You miss your space ... you miss "me" time.
Your brain misses work related productivity.

I wake up each morning with some 100 WhatsApp messages & photos with colourful texts about positivity and enlightenment. Though with a few clicks I delete all of them, one common tonality in those texts is of "POSITIVITY". We grew up listening to that cliched phrase of grass being greener on the other side; however the new mantra says that grass is greener where you water it.

So if you are a stay at home mom, look at the plus side. Although you may think that you are professionally not independent, you are at least not dependent on grandparents, helpers, day cares to take care of your child. You have taken full responsibility of him/ her.

Not having to compromise or bend backwards in front of anyone for handling / raising your child is a great gift my friend. You have complete control on the situation and 100% say in what you do for your child. As a matter of fact, that in itself is Independence ...  Now clap for yourself !!!

If you are a Working Mom, there's so much you can do for yourself & your child with that money coming in. Provide a better lifestyle, better education etc etc.
In addition, who knows, you are probably a role model for some in the society. (in addition to your kids)  Pick any stream - teaching, medicine, science, banking, IT, law, media, entertainment, technology  - would they work without women?

In conclusion, don't judge, don't bother if you get judged. The ones judging you are coming from a place of cluelessness, ignorance & insensitivity themselves.

Everybody's paths are unique. As long as you are raising a healthy, happy child there are no right or wrong ways.

Do share your experiences with us in the comments below.

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  1. Wow... no other blog i have ever read made me feel so good....nicely ans most appropriately written...every word expresses the feelings so correctly...


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